Never Burn Hector's
by Kara1626
Summary: Mike learns first-hand how Briggs deals with stupidity. Light one-shot. Tag to "Guadalajara Dog". WARNING: Spanking of an adult.


**Tag to **_**Guadalajara Dog**_**. WARNING: Spanking of an adult.**

_Mike? Upstairs._ Mike dropped his spoon on the counter and followed Briggs out of the kitchen. He faintly heard Johnny and Charlie arguing over Johnny's durian fruit, and at any other moment, he would have found the interaction hilarious. But the gnawing feeling that had erupted in his stomach shortly after Johnny had opened that envelope was growing, and when Briggs ordered him upstairs, it took on a new intensity. And he didn't even know why.

Out on the deck, Mike immediately went on offense, hoping to head off whatever was bothering Briggs so much, but Briggs argued down every point, leaving Mike feeling even more like a little kid than he normally did in Briggs' presence.

"I'm sure we can find a crime somewhere in LA with training wheels for you," Briggs said, clearly not kidding. "Oh, and by the way," he continued but trailed off. Mike saw the senior agent unbuckling his belt, but before his mind registered what was happening, Briggs grabbed his arm, turned him around, pushed him against the railing and held him in place with an arm across the back of his shoulders. The next thing Mike knew, the belt landed three times across the back of his shorts. Hard. Then Briggs let him up.

"What was that for?!" Mike yelled incredulously, reaching back to rub the sting out of his backside.

"You almost burned Hector's," Briggs answered nonchalantly then disappeared back into the house.

"I said I was sorry…" Mike called after him, but he was gone.

Mike stood on the deck, glued in place, his brain racing to process what had just happened. _Had Briggs just _spanked _him?! Was he allowed to do that?! Wait, had he done that before? Like to the others? Oh god, did the others know it had just happened to _him_?! _Mike groaned. If the others ever found out, he would _never_ live it down!

* * *

Most of the housemates sat in the living room, celebrating another day in which everyone had come home safe. Drinks were served, stories were told, laughter rang through the house. Johnny and Mike told about they and Briggs had spent most of the day chasing their tails looking for a drug trafficker's underling, only to find out LAPD had arrested him ten hours earlier, and just never bothered to tell the FBI. Jakes told about the latest carton of smuggled birds, and the colorful character who had offered him a Burmese Python as part of a package deal, assuring Jakes that the snake and the bird got along great! Charlie told about how she had spent the day with her CI, hanging out on the beach because, as her CI had pointed out, "it was just too nice out to go chasing criminals around the city", and besides, "it's not like they won't be there tomorrow".

"So you just laid around on the beach all day?" Mike asked, not sure how he felt about that.

"It's called 'cultivating the relationship'," Charlie explained, throwing back another Zombie shot.

"It's called 'you better make sure Briggs doesn't find out'," Johnny warned teasingly.

"Briggs just did," the man himself stated coming into the living room. "Keep it up," he said to Charlie with a grin, "I'll take it out on your ass."

"Oh, like you did to Mike?" she shot back, also grinning.

Mike's jaw dropped. "How did you find out about that?!"

"Levi, everyone knows," Jakes laughed. "You were on the balcony. The whole neighborhood probably knows."

Mike tried to disappear into the couch.

"What'd you give it to him for?" Paige piped up. "I missed it."

"He almost burned Hector's!" Briggs and Johnny exclaimed simultaneously.

Paige's eyes widened. "Are you serious?" She stared at Mike for a moment shaking her head, then turned back to Briggs. "I hope you made it good."

"So wait," Mike finally said, "you guys are ok with this?"

Briggs sat down on the couch next to Mike and slung an arm across his shoulders. "I think the only one in this room I've never whipped is Jakes. And that's probably because I still have no idea what he actually does, so I never know when he screws up."

He grinned across the room at Jakes who smiled with self-satisfaction. "You think that's an accident?" he laughed.

"Mikey, relax," Johnny soothed. "It's not a big deal, and nobody's ever going to think less of you for it. If anything, it just makes you even more like family," he concluded with a shrug.

Briggs turned to look at Mike. "This is how I deal with the stupid stuff people do that isn't exactly job- or life-threatening, but could turn into a bad situation if it isn't stopped. Now," he continued, not giving Mike time to respond, "the reason I came down here is to tell my FBI guys that it's bed time. I got a tip a little while ago and we have a sting to set up before dawn tomorrow."

The "FBI guys" groaned. "I kinda thought living in California meant our day didn't start before 10," Johnny teased as the party broke up.

* * *

Two hours later, Briggs heard a soft knock on his door. "Come in," he called. A small grin spread across his face as Mike crept sheepishly into the room. "Yeah," Briggs drawled, "I figured I'd be seeing you at some point. Can't sleep?" Mike shook his head. "Come here." Mike sat on the foot of the bed. "What's on your mind?"

Mike shifted uncomfortably for a moment. "Does the brass know?" he finally asked.

"Yes and no," Briggs answered matter-of-factly. "Look, Mike, you're never going to find this in your precious FBI Field Manual, but it's how things are done. It's how we keep things off the record. It's how we keep people safe," he said pointedly. "But," he continued, "it's not for everyone. And if you really have a problem with it, just tell me and it will never happen again."

Mike studied the dark floor and considered his options. "I guess I just wasn't expecting it," he finally said.

"No one ever does," Briggs laughed. "If my senior had told me what he was about to do the first time I got whipped, I would have decked him, and I'd probably _still_ be working a desk job somewhere in Iowa. And believe me, my first time was a whole lot worse than yours."

"You?" Mike spat out, not able to completely form a sentence. He saw Briggs nod in the dim light. "And you were ok with it?"

"Not at first," Briggs admitted. "But he and I had a late-night chat, he told me I wasn't the first and I certainly wouldn't be the last, and eventually I decided it wasn't the worst idea in the world." He paused to let Mike's brain catch up. "I'm serious, Mike," he finally said. "Say the word and it will never happen again."

"But you'll come up with something worse," Mike said knowingly.

"Something's got to keep you from being a complete idiot," Briggs teased.

Mike smiled. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he concluded.

"Every so often," Briggs laughed. "Now get out of here and get some sleep."

"Yes sir." Mike stood up and headed for the door. "So what did you do?" he asked, turning back.

"Out!" Briggs ordered. Mike slipped out the door just in time to avoid a flying flip-flop to the head.


End file.
